Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
