I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
