i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
