Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
