This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
