You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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