I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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