I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am puke
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
