I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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