I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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