I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
