I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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