apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
