How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
