bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
