So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
