is your mom at the bar?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
