Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
