i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
