you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
