Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
