Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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