My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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