fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
