My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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