No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
