I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
