So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
