Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
