i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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