i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
