i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
