when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
