So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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