there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
