The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
