it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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