she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
tell me about the eggs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
