it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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