he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
