ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
