Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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