just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
