At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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