Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
