he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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