I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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