Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
