I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if only i could text you this smell
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
