Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
