Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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