she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
